I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
