Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
