apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize