How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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