mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
