i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
