I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
