You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
