Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
