after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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