I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
