i don't plan on having that self control this summer
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
