Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
