its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
