she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
