Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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