I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
