No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
This house was built for laser tag.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
