Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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