I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Where is the hickey?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
