The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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