My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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