I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
