..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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