'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
