i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
