Only a mothe r could love this liver
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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