I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
