i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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