Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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