One girl and one boy is just not enough.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
