remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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