Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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