lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
