i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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