actually, I'm a sock model
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize