I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
