Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
