Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize