and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
