You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
