Yo dont text me then not text me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize