I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
