Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
