I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
