found the other keg... it's in the tree
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
