Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
