Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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