just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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