How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
