worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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