your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
