omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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