Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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