I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
