Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
