I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
