So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
