I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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