I puked a lego.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
