your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
