Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
