My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
A bitchslap is in order.
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