No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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