So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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