I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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