I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
