It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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