Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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