I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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