We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
