yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
