why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
