I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize