I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
