She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
