the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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