i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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