so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
