Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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