if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
