Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
