Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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