So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
