Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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