i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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