I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
