Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I cut my penus on the lid.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
