Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
