I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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