He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
