You really coming over, don't trick.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
