Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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