I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
a search helicopter?!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
