I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just want nice things and good sex
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
