you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
