I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
