I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Alive.
So much puke
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
3 2 1 whiskey
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize