that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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