Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
