i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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