she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
