Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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