ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
