dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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