I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
