My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize