i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
