I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
