What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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