Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
