We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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